As long as you perceive recovery as being imposed on you, by family, friends, therapists, doctors, even the world-at-large, you will remain in the power struggle that is always available just on the outskirts of the recovery that you say you want. Some people live their lives there. In and out, back and forth, never fully committed, certainly never determined to do whatever is necessary to recover from what is toxic and to do whatever it takes to create the lives they choose to live.
Authentic recovery will not grow from things you reluctantly, even resentfully, think you are supposed to do. This is all about discovering where you want to go, learning everything you can about how to get there and then deciding to make that trip because it is what you want.
It will not work for you to claim you want to do something, then complain that you are being made to do it.